take it or leave it

hmm.its been a long time im not posting. perasaan gw saat ini its really 'campur aduk',gw ga tau bahasa inggrisnyah,klo complicated kaenyah tlalu keren aj.hehe.ok,im start with my story, i've been with him for two months, yaa,its a short time for a relationship.tpi dalam bulan trakir ni,tlalu bnyk yang terjadi,mpe gw bingun mo ambil kputusan ap, gw smpt minta putus several times, but it doesnt work. Dulu, di waktu pemikiran gw masi yang so-idealistic-mind-thoughts, gw slalu beranggapan,klo dlm pacaran ud trucap kata putus tuh uda ga bgs, but in fact *i dont say it good loh, tpi ya emang kata 'putus' bisa trucap kapan aj.

waktu itu kita smpt break, and we decided to move on, buat lanjut,tapi ap vin? u dont change, yaa its my bad that i always told you to change, its just make me hope that u'll change someday,in fact, peoples are really hard to change. skrg gw cm nanya k diri gw sndiri, did i get somethin from this relationship? i dont think so, pacaran bukan sharusnyah diisi sama happiness ya? i dont get that vin,okay i used to get it,but its for a long time ago. cuma pikiran yang slalu ad dlm pikiran gw, pikiran buat cut it off, atau bnr" mulai dr awal.

Dalam proses buat ngenal kamu lebih jau, bukan positive things that i get, dulu,yang aku slalu ngerasa klo 'once i make a decision,i have to do it,no matter what' tpi skrg aku juga jd ikut kae pmikiran kamu, yang ga bisa kasi keputusan yang jelas.  emank skrg kita lg ga brantem ato gmn, but you ever felt that something's goin wrong, kita pacaran, tpi like we dont, mana vin hubungan yang dulu kita jalanin? i miss that. im really sick of it, waktu ak lg kpikiran, ak cm bs nangis,karena ak ga tau ap yang harus ak lakuin, im not a perfect person, but i do the best for you, for our relationship. 

mungkin km bukan tipe yang sensitif, yang slalu bisa ngerasain what i feel, but just try to make it better. but i dont think that is can really works, kamu emank bukan tipe co yang kae gitu, dan ak jg masi ngerasa sakit ati aj yang waktu itu km perna ngomong,oh gosh, u said it, and easily you can say "ak tarik lagi ucapan ak yang waktu itu". you dont know what it feels, mungkin hal it juga yang bikin ak ragu sm km slama ni. mungkin hal-hal ga enak lainnya yang bikin hubungan kita ga bisa seenak dulu, mungkin ak bukan yang terbaik buat kamu, dan mungkin kamu bukan yang terbaik buat ak, yaa there's too much kata "mungkin"

and i wondering that someone asked me, do you still love him? and i answer 'i dont know'.